Inspector Poirot Hackett has been busy on the “Hikkaduwa Homicide” case. Diligent fact digging, skilful interrogation, and a few Aussie $5 notes, have ascertained that the deceased did receive 4 shots to the head and one to the throat. The classic hallmarks of an underworld “hit”. The circumstances surrounding his critically wounded accomplice are still sketchy. The assassin fled the scene.

The said deceased was a well known local criminal identity, who was widely admired for his financial generosity towards underprivileged locals, and building houses for the homeless etc. Many a tear has been shed as a consequence.

The bastards have killed Hikkaduwa’s Robin Hood!
They’ve knocked off Sri Lanka’s Ned Kelly!

Meanwhile, I have extended my stay here by another day, as I continue to make friends with Germans and Russians.

I have achieved more for Australia’s international reputation and Foreign Affairs in 2 weeks, than the dickhead Tony Abbott Government’s done in 2 years.

Yesterday I met the lovely Natalya Matyash (pictured with me) who is a Doctor of Neurology and sports medicine in Moscow, specialising in tennis fitness and treatments. Of course, I have invited Natalya to come to the Australian Open in Melbourne in January.

Last night I stayed until close at the neighbouring hotel with a lively bunch of Russians. I was drinking Carlsberg (660ml, $7) and dancing with the Russian ladies; the Russian blokes were skolling vodka and making swaying motions. Crazy Ivans.

So far I have become friends with several groups of Germans, some Aussie couples from Noosa, an artistic couple from Gisborne in New Zealand, a couple from South Africa, the lovely Nini Archvadze and her friend Tiko Alelishvili from the Republic of Georgia, Saleem of Hikkaduwa, a friendly little local lady (pictured) from whom I have bought 2 beautiful shawls (haggled down from $20 to $10 each) but she still wants me to buy her a Coca Cola, many Sri Lankan staff and locals, plus in Bangkok Peter the Swedish backpacker who had good advice about Khaosan Road, a nice Japanese chap who sells Japanese spirits to hostels that tasted like sweet lychees in can, I beat 5 friendly Canadian blokes and an American into submission on the pool table (can’t resist that little brag), a Dane named Sebastian Hopwood who gave me the tip about a good hotel on Bangkok’s Chao Phraya River and where I have booked into next, and many, many Thai locals.

Lying under a little beach hut by the surf, writing this dispatch, I have just now made a 2,000LKR ($20) donation to a teacher for a school for handicapped orphans. Call me cynical, but I first took her up to the hotel manager to verify her written credentials…