ESSENTIAL guide for children to help their parents cope with the stress of coronavirus:
* Tell Mum & Dad that they will grow out of their toilet paper “thing” (which we don’t talk about)
* Explain that the sharemarket is like St Kilda footy club – it keeps getting pounded but always bounces back
* The family – including the dog and cat – can eat only so much rice and pasta so stop hoarding it
* Make up a family song about how good the NEXT holiday will be
* A parent’s hand must be no closer than 1.5m to your backside AT ALL TIMES